a lot of things came into my mind lately... a lot of things i wanna blog........ but there is little time left to say all these things. so i'm sorting these thoughts out one by one, hoping to get enlightenment out of these confused thoughts that i'm having...
on friendships...
i miss my friends. but i dont wanna make the effort to contact them. i was just telling Tommy the other day (as we were passing the condo where one of my friends lives, and he asked me how that friend who lives there was whom i haven't seen in a year) that i noticed that all of my contacts with my friends was initiated by me. so i figured, fuck it. if they dont think about me then screw them all.
i'm sure they are all bz with their lives. but dont people get lonely sometimes when all they care about is their work and their little kids? oh my gosh my friends have little kids! (and that's another thing thats been bugging my mind).
on "growing up"...
A lot of the people i went to high school with are either married, with kids, or had been knocked up.
and here i am thinking and examining which way i'm headed. my BF is hinting that we should move in together downtown. i say that's so un-me. LIVING TOGETHER without getting married is just so against my belief system. as much as i am open minded to OTHER people doing that, i just can't see myself doing it. its like i'm depriving myself of a total commitment that people should make when they think you are special in their life. as much as independent living appeals to me more as i grow older, there's just no way i'm gonna short-change myself (or my parents) by going that route.
but... the funny thing is that i'm so open to the idea of having a baby outside of marriage. weird huh? but then my rationale behind that position is not as straightforward as it may seem and i dont wanna spend time wracking my brains out to explain myself. maybe some other blog post...
on career choices...
my nurse-educator was surprised why i did not take the NEW GRAD initiatiate opportunity for this January. in a nutshell, the NGI is a way for new grads to explore other fields of nursing by rotating to other floors on a part-time basis, develop learning plans, attend workshops and in-services while being paid on a fulltime basis. sounds pretty neat. NOT FOR ME.
i wanna go full speed ahead. work in my unit for 2 years, take courses maybe by next fall, and transfer to critical care within 5 years. going through the NGI is kinda like a stumbling block for me it seems - because by not not having the structure of the fulltime line, i wont be able to have structured learning environment where i can adapt. so i dont think i made the wrong decision here. and i hate doing nonsense and get paid for it, for me it doesn't seem honest.
on other options...
i told my sis the other day about getting myself a new BF. is that such a cruel thing to say especially when i'm dating this guy for over 3 years? i mean i love tommy, but i can't help but look beyond for any other possibilities. i know i'm a bitch by saying this but is it wrong to expand ones horizons? (haha..im laughing at myself as im typing this...can't believe im saying all these...)
ok. i love my boyfriend. but i just wish that...
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