ANXIETY OF THE MODERN WOMAN

eversince my birthday i have been feeling anxious. there are too many things on my mind right now. i hate these thoughts and i try my best to rationalize and do self cognitive therapies in order to change these "negative" thoughts.

anxiety..pressure..i'm feeling this pressure to hurry up.. and this internal struggle to choose. i guess i'm getting too ambiguous here. it's because i hate this topic and as a modern woman thriving in the contemporary world - i believe that i should not be worrying about these "backward" thinking...but the truth is: I AM.

so ok... for honesty's sake let me spill the beans:
I AM FEELING THE NEED TO SETTLE DOWN WITH A LIFE MATE AND PROCREATE - START HAVING CHILDREN.

its like inside me the sense of urgency could not be repressed. maybe this is what they call biological clock? or maybe i'm just PMS-ing. but the thing is, the feeling is still there even when after my rags has started. to the point where i almost end up crying for the things i still cannot have at this moment.

sure i have a boyfriend who dearly loves me soo much. but i cant help but unconciously spite him for taking soooo much time to save his resources and muster up the courage to ask me THE QUESTION...i know he's just being responsible by making sure we have what we need before doing the "marriage" thing, but somehow some inner bridezilla in me is waiting to unleash itself.

sure i have the job that can pay for the mortgage that i want, for childcare and registered educational plans for my future offsprings... but it will take another 2-3 years for me to clear my present financial entanglements - the student loan i took in order to get myself an education.

sure i have the readiness of an excited and expectant mother... but i just cant do that right now for i also want to travel the world (or at least 2 continents).

i wish there was something i can do right now to quiet these anxious thoughts....