sad :(

for lack of better things to do i started to tidy up the nurses station of my home floor and i came across an announcement of a patient who died and the viewing schedule. i stared at the person's name for a long while, trying to remember why the name is so familiar. so i asked one of my colleagues if the person who died was the person i was thinking about. and yes she confirmed it.

needless to say i was shocked. the guy was very nice. he was only in this late 40's to early 50's. i was his nurse for over 3 weeks over the holidays last year and i remember he was soo nice and cheery and would always talk about how Filipinoes and the South Americans had a lot of characteristics in common (for one, being colonized by the Spaniards...). everyday he had the determination to live, to be able to get out of the hospital in good health. we had a good nurse-patient relationship together.

he came in and had his large bowel (with some part of this small bowel) removed & the doctors had to put an ostomy but it was just draining so much fluid (small bowel syndrome they call it, short bowel means not having much surface area to reabsorb water). i did not realize what he had was cancer (do not get me wrong, i'm pretty good at reading the doctor's narratives / surgical report), i guess i was thinking all he had was something routine and eventually would go home to survive. but apparently he was admitted to the palliative floor after being discharged from my unit - his cancer has aggressively metastasized to his brain within a span of 6 months...

when i was doing ecare support down at the palliative unit, i was staring at the nurse's board looking at the familiar name. i remember thinking why the name was so familiar. but i brushed it aside thinking there must be so many last names like his. if i had acted on my instinct, i could have said good bye to a good friend. i wish i did.

for Mr C., i hope you have a good rest now. there's no more pain where you are...