MOTIVATION

where does motivation come from? coz i want it now.

after so many harassing texts from my personal trainer, i finally decided to book a session with him. he wasn't too impressed when i saw him yesterday. i ran out of excuses so i told him that when life gets tougher for me, it has always been easy for me to let go and give up anything that has got to do with living healthy. exercising and eating healthy included.

he told me i've spent and worked so hard - why am i throwing it all away? coz thats just it - I HAVE NO EXCUSE! it doesn't make me feel guilty. i may have burned a whole in my pocket taking on this lifestyle change but i'm just so unattached to monetary things that i simply DO NOT CARE if i wasted so much. but in the back of my mind something is telling me that i should just stop being so jaded about it and start valuing the resources i have put into this bloody decision.

its been a bumpy ride. since i joined the gym my weight has been see-sawing. the 1st month i lost 20 lbs. then i went to the phils early this year and managed to throw back in another 10. i started again, lost the 5, plateued, left for another month and the last time i weighed i am now back @ 13 lbs lighter than my original weight. its just so f*^*%U*#%^ing frustrating.

why can some people make it look so easy. gosh i hate them all. i blame my ancestors for giving me bad genes and the snack companies who keeps manufacturing unhealthy but oh-so-tasty junk food. of course its never my fault.

so yeah...where can one find motivation (or buy one?????)