PMS makes me philosophize

i don't know if that is the most accurate but i notice i always seem to philosophize and reflect MORE just days before my monthly visitor comes...

what have i realized these days?

That it'll be less than 2 years and i'm saying goodbye to twenteenhood. its sad - since "thirteen" (thirty + teen) sounds retarded, i'll just resign to the fact that i am getting old and life seems to be on a standstill.

some time ago i briefly chatted with an old high school "friend" in yahoo messenger (read along and you will understand why i placed her in quotes) . she has 2 kids now, and happily (?) married - don't mean to cause any intrigues but the question mark is merely me making a presumption that she is happy based on online pics that i am seeing. because she is soo ecstaticly happy with where she is now in life, she asked me (quite smugly) the question most late-twenteen-something-year-olds like me try to answer with this ever-so-big-and-confident-smile. well, it was not really a question but more like a "peer pressure" (hahahaha) statement. The statement was "Why arent you married yet?".

I honestly did not take offence and I tried to answer in an honest and in a non-defensive way. But what she said after did make my blood boil. She said "yeah right, keep telling yourself that. that's just another lame excuse single girls make"...

well..excuse me.

Its not an excuse when I want to think through this whole process of marriage very carefully. As sinful as I am, I can't help it if my thought process is heavily influenced by the doctrines of catholicism - so for me, divorce is not an option.

it's not an excuse when i say i want to go into marriage as much as i can with no debt- so i can enjoy living my life then without the stress of having to slave over to pay the excesses i incurred as i worked my way to where i am now.

it's not an excuse - since i have a devoted BF whose willing to give me a baby when i decide i want it.

but whatever. you think what you want to think. i've stopped living a life whose aim is to please others.

so there. a product of my PMSing...