why am i so nervous...

so this is it. my director had another chat with me today about finalizing this role change...

her words zip right past me as i'm trying to think of an appropriate way to respond. as you can see, i do not respond well to praises. i can be told once, but when people to reiterate it over and over, it annoys the hell out of me. i know i should be grateful but can't help feel small when i'm put on the spot.

so how do you respond to compliments being told over and over. i feel stupid saying "thank you" right back more than once. should "i'm glad you think that way about me" be enough? "i won't let you down"? "i appreciate the confidence you have in me"? what? what?

call it lack of self confidence and self-assurance but i just find it hard to believe when she says stuff like "i've talked to Faith (the head honcho of nursing practice) and she is thrilled...i've personally got to thank Elena (my manager) for giving you over to us". how does Faith know me? what did Elena say about me? it just make me feel so anxious..

i mean, i don't like to bullshit my way to the top. i rarely even talk and make jokes just to rub people the right way. somehow i think that my director is buttering me up so that i do not feel bad about the workload that is coming. i feel pressured somehow to excel. and then she says "i don't want you to feel like you have to figure this out all by yourself..i can certainly understand that it will take time for people and you yourself to adjust to that role". and what it that supposed to mean? it's meant to make me feel good but i can feel butterflies going amuck inside my GI track.

aaarrggghh... i think i'm setting myself up to fail...